Archive for February 11th, 2008

A look in the Mirror

Yes.  This is me.  Seventy-five pounds heavier than I am right now.  (I’m a little embarrassed to show this to everyone.)  Do I know this girl?  Sometimes.  Sometimes I look at this picture and think there is no way I could ever have been her.  Other times I look in the mirror and this is still the girl I see. 

 

I’ve struggled with weight my whole life.  It was the way my insecurity manifested itself outwardly.  The deadly cycle only made things worse: was I insecure because of my weight, or was my weight the source of my insecurity?  I didn’t know the answer to that question and it was obvious.  I was overweight, so I ate, feeding my insecurities without even knowing it. 

 

I was in bondage.  Deep bondage.  I listened and believed lies about myself: You’re fat.  You’re ugly.  No one likes you.  No one wants to be around you.  You’re undesirable and you always will be.  I cared what people thought so bad that I actually gave myself physical heart problems from stress and anxiety.  I was not the girl I was meant to be. 

 

What changed?  I’m not even sure myself.  But something did.  Something inside.  My eyes were opened.  I woke up.  The person I was meant to be pounded the door of my heart screaming, “Let me out!  I was created for more than this!” 

 

And the transformation began…

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