Eye Contact

images-5.jpegDo you have it? It’s that characteristic that sets some apart from others. Once I heard my boss make a comment about someone he’d never met.

“That woman is successful.”

“How do you know,” I asked, since he had never met her.

“She had eye contact the whole time she interacted with us.”

Since that moment I have made it an intentional act to have eye contact with every person I interact with. Try it. It’s hard. It takes confidence but ultimately the equity it builds is worth it.  

Do you have good eye contact? 

9 Responses to “Eye Contact”

  • Dana Byers says:

    I strive to keep good eye contact but admit it’s a practice I only learned a few years ago. When we adopted my daughter 2 years ago I read several books on helping her attach (to feel loved, safe, and cherished) to our family. Every book suggested creating an emphasis on steady eye contact. The reasons are that eye contact provides comfort amidst vulnerability, eye contact communicates mutual trust and honesty, and eye contact helps you pay attention. It took months to help our daughter overcome the practice of using her little arm to cover her eyes as a shield to keep the world out, but just this morning at the breakfast table I choked back tears as those bright eyes of hers looked directly into mine as she giggled.

  • Anna says:

    Dana–that is precious! Thank you for sharing. I agree: eye contact can make people feel loved, safe and cherished as well as important and valued. All things that make influencing people much easier to do!

  • Michael B. says:

    There are different kinds of eye contact. ( I love the kind that Dana talks about). But for business remember that there are more people with amazing eye contact skills that are not successful then those that are. If you notice detail oriented people, when talking, are recalling facts and numbers and will slightly look into space while in data collection mode then return to looking at you for the conversation. A lot of big picture people always keep eye contact because there is little detailed processing going on.

  • Anna says:

    Michael–a good observation. That is very true!

  • Love Dana’s precious story.

    I just read yesterday that eye-contact helps young children when they begin to stutter. It helps them realize they are being heard, and they are more able to focus on what they are trying to say.

    I’m still learning this. I do know that when others have good eye-contact with me when I am speaking, it makes me feel if my words have importance. I just need to remember to turn it around!

  • jonathan says:

    What if you’re doing what Michael says, and your always looking off because your gathering facts and thinking about what they aren’t talking to you about?

    I find it harder to use Eye Contact with some than others…

  • Andy Kirk says:

    Great stuff… eye contact is a powerful tool and it clearly displays self confidence. Neat thought!

  • Eye contact & firm handshake!

  • Michael B. says:

    @Scott… Yeah.. I don’t like the dead fish hand shake. Nice and firm please.

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