Archive for May 14th, 2009
When I was in the 8th grade a “friend” of mine used those words to cut me. Not knowing what else to do I threw an equally hurtful cut down in his face. Being a guy, he took it as more of a joke than anything else.
But I didn’t. I remembered it. From that moment on. I remembered it.
I carried those words around for years. Wondering who else thought them. Wondering who else was saying them under their breath, or to a friend once my back was turned. Those words were the filter of most of my interactions with people. I was never really able to be myself, because in my mind the question kept bouncing around like a little imp needing attention: “Do they think I’m fat?”
It wasn’t until much later in life, that I realized I was living under a lie. No, the lie was not “You’re Fat!”–that was actually true. The lie that I’d been believing for years was that, “I’m fat, and therefore I’m not whole.” I’m missing something. I’m not a true person.–Those are lies.
Realizing that I was living under lies was half the battle but it took me another few years to find out how to overcome them…