When I was younger I told a lie. Ok, so I told lots of lies and most of those lies were told so I wouldn’t get into trouble. The problem was, every lie I told got me into deeper trouble when the lie was found out. Because the lie is always found out. The truth always has a way of surfacing given enough time.

You know that feeling you have when you tell a lie? It’s almost as if you float out of your body and watch yourself. You get this quick sweaty feeling all over your body and your heart rate picks up a few notches. You wait, holding your breath to see if the lie was a success and when you realize it was, you want to let out that breath, but can’t. You end up holding that breath for weeks, maybe years, you hold it for as long as the lie lasts because you know at any moment it could be found out and then it would all be over.

I remember the way it feels when you finally decided to tell the truth. You let that breath go and this enormous weight lifts off your shoulders. You realize life on the right side of truth isn’t so bad and you ask yourself, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

The truth is always the best rout to take. Even if you think a lie will save you from trouble or embarrassment, imagine the trouble or embarrassment you’ll have to face when that lie is found out. Because the lie is always found out. The truth always has a way of surfacing given enough time.

Please, tell the truth. It’s the right thing to do.

Last night I was listening to the Disney station on Pandora–Yes, I know. I’m a hopeless romantic who loves to listen to Disney songs. I thought it was just a phase when I was younger, but I still get a thrill out of singing along to those classics. A song came on from the film Mulan–which I don’t consider a classic, but it was still a good story.

The song was called “A Girl Worth Fighting For” sung by the deep voices of the men going into battle. They needed something to keep them going, something to think about when the battle got too hard or overwhelming. They found their motivation in imagining a girl worth fighting for…

That got me to thinking. Am I a girl worth fighting for? Even though I’m married and I found my warrior, shouldn’t I still live in such a way that makes my husband want to fight for me?

What about you beautiful single ladies? Instead of pining for a husband, wondering if it will ever happen, ask yourself: “Am I a girl worth fighting for?”

Well, before we can answer that question, maybe we should ask ourselves, “What does a girl worth fighting for look like?” Here are a couple of my thoughts, I’d love to hear what you think as well:

A Girl Worth Fighting For:

• Is always concerned for others. She is not self-seeking, but always has others on her mind.
• Sacrifices for the needs of others. A girl worth fighting for will sacrifice what she can to help meet the needs of those around her. Sacrifice is attractive.
• Isn’t afriad to fight for herself. A girl worth fighting for isn’t just waiting around for someone to come along. She is strong, confident and can fight for herself if she needs to. However, when/if that someone comes along who is willing to fight for her, she knowingly steps out of the way–even if her warrior doesn’t do it the way she would!
• Is beautiful from the inside out. Beauty is never just one sided. A girl worth fighting for is beautiful from the inside out. That means she cares enough about herself to take care of the outward appearance but also knows the importance of a beautiful spirit. You can’t have one without the other.
• Builds others up. A girl who is truely worth fighting for will always take an opportunity to encourage others. She would never use her words to tear others down or make them feel inferior.
• Knows who she is. A girl worth fighting for doesn’t need a man, a job, friends, or anything else to validate who she is. She has a strong sense of confidence because she knows she’s already been faught for by the One who matters most.

What other characteristics would you add to a girl worth fighting for? It’s never too late, whether you’re married or not to start living your life in a way that someone would fight for you.

Last night I was sitting on the couch, not wanting to do anything. I could have been reading, but didn’t feel like I had the energy to pay attention. I could have been writing, but new I couldn’t focus long enough to get out a sentence. I was always taught to do something “constructive” you know, something that used the mind, but all I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV and veg.

As I was sitting there I remembered something I learned as a student. Someone once showed me something amazing–something I had forgotten until that moment.

This influential person told me that the world had tricked us. He said the things the world sells us, and the things we think are fun are acutally only robbing us of our potential, robbing us of using our minds for greatness. I asked him what he meant and he showed me.

“Take the word amuse, for example. Off the top of your head, what do you think that word means? What comes to mind when you hear it?

“Amuse means something is funny. I think of amusement parks and fun things to do…”

“You’re right. The word amuse brings about positive feelings of fun, laughter and being carefree. But don’t let it fool you. Take the letter ‘A’ away from the word and you get: Muse–which means to think or meditate quietly. Putting that A in front of the word defines the word to mean the exact oposite–Amuse–to divert the mind to something entertaining. In effect, to allow the mind a break from thinking.

“Now, don’t get me wrong,” he continued.  ”A little amusement is good for everyone, so long as you continue to use your mind, grow it, challenge it and expand it more than you let it go.”

Often times I fight against the urge to let my mind go instead of using it to bring about positive outcomes. I don’t want to be unaware of the worlds tricks. That’s why I’m adopting the phrase: Muse before you Amuse. Before you sit down in front of the TV, do something that uses your mind: Read a few chapters in a book, make something creative, organize something in your house, write a blog. Use your mind more than you let it go. It’s time to do something constructive.

Muse before you Amuse.

I work in an environment of development. What does that mean? It means that almost every conversation that goes on is about how to be better. How to be a better pastor, a better communicator, a better organizer, a better connector. How do we make our teams better? How can we do what we did last year better? It is a constant thought and something that really propels the ministry forward.

The hard part is when it comes to development of people. As leaders, developing people is a fine line one must walk across. I have been in dozens of conversations surrounding the “development” of another individual.

“If they would just not do this, then…”

“If they knew how they were around people, don’t you think they’d…”

“That person… they have no clue.”

But in the back of my mind I can’t help but think: If we are leading these people should’ve we give them a clue? If I was the individual, and my leader knew something that could help me, I would want to know, wouldn’t you? I mean, if it’s our job as leaders to develop and help others become better as we allow others to help us become better, shouldn’t we be saying something? Should we, in love, be bringing some kind of self-awareness to certain individuals who display a lack of development? This is tough. I mean, you can’t just walk up to someone and point out their flaws.

I’ve observed both the positive and negative outcomes of this fine art of development and have come to understand at least two things. When you’re in a position to bring about development in someone you must first:

• Establish a trusting relationship with that person. Your title alone will not help you in the tediousness of the conversation. You must build a healthy, trusting relationship before you have the permission to say anything.

The second observation I’ve made is that:

• It takes time. Don’t expect to see a change in someone over night. When you bring awareness to someone it will take time for it to fully take root. Development is an oven not a microwave.

Above all, I have understood that you can’t really develop someone unless they WANT to be developed. They have to possess a teachable heart and a willingness to learn. They have to be willing to lay down their pride and admit they don’t know everything.

What a better place to find those traits in practice, than in the people who lead them.

Dear Woman,

This is your heart. I have a few words I’d like to share with you. I’ve been thinking about this long and hard and finally decided it was time things changed. First of all, you should know, I’m not mad, I just feel like you need to know some things, because maybe if you know them you can do something to stop them.

The first thing I’d like to bring to your attention is the way you constantly compare us to every other woman we come across. Do you know what this does to me? It kills me! We are unique and beautiful in our own way. We have our own set of strengths and weaknesses, struggles and victories. No one else is like us. When you compare you are diminishing any sense of individualism we have. We were made incomparable to anyone or anything. Please, if it’s possible, when you feel the urge to compare, remember me. I love the way we are. I love how we were made. Do you not?

Another thing I’d like to bring to your attention is the way you often put us down with our words. Not only with our words, but also our thoughts. Yes, I hear those too. They wound me deeper and deeper every time we think them. Those words are like a dagger, slicing through my flesh with the intent to kill. Why do you want to put us down? What value does it bring?

Also, there’s another thing that drives me crazy. When we hold ourselves back from things it’s all I can do not to shout and scream to get your attention. I want to play the games, I want to be a part of the conversations, I want to make our voice known, but every time we shrink back into the dark, a little bit of us dies. What is keeping us from being bold? Know one cares! I need some light. I need some air. Won’t you let me come out and show the real us?

I am your heart. I am what makes us woman. If you take care of me, I will take care of you. If you give me a chance I will swell inside you and become stronger, fiercer, more powerful, than you can imagine. Dear woman, I am your heart. It’s time to let me lead.

Here is a story from a student at SWITCH. May this touch your heart, and challenge us to be willing to be used by God.

My life before SWITCH I was living with my grandma. I was always sad and upset. I really was just always scared of my family. I was being sexually abused by 3 different family members: My grandpa and my two brothers. My grandma was always mean to me. She abused me physically, emotionally and mentally. DHS would come to our house all  the time but my grandma would teach us to lie so nobody would find out how our life really was. I hated myself, and my life. I wasn’t even sure if there was a God. My life was so terrible. My grandma had adopted me when I was 6. My mom was into drugs and still is. I don’t know who my dad is, and I haven’t met either of them. My grandma would always hit me, and yell at me. She would tell me that I am not good enough. She would put me down so much that eventually I started degrading myself. I would believe all the lies she would tell me, like, I’m a slut, and a whore, a fake. I was never able to accept compliments. I thought I was ugly and disgusting. I was always giving in to people and letting them use me. I was so lost. And I couldn’t stand up for myself. I couldn’t trust anyone enough to tell them what I would go through every day.

Since being a part of SWITCH I met Aymee Farris, my SWITCH leader. I told her about my life at my grandmas. I told her everything. DHS got involved and I ended up going to foster care. Aymee, went through the foster parent program so she could be a foster parent to me, so that I could come live with her. She started bringing me to SWITCH after I started living with her. After a few weeks I recommitted my life to Christ. Aymee and I talk a lot about forgiveness and I don’t hate myself. I am learning about God and growing closer to Him. I have been very scared lately though because I thought I was going to get sent back to my grandma’s. Yesterday, we went to court and my grandma gave up her rights to me. I am still living with Aymee, and she is going to adopt me!! A lot has changed since I started going to SWITCH. I am figuring out who I really am. I am becoming a new person. I am getting a chance at a new life. And things are so much better. I am learning so much so fast and I am able to enjoy myself. I am no longer allowing people to take advantage of me. I am not scared anymore. I don’t have to go home to abuse every day.
I am becoming a new and better Christian and person. I am actually happy.

I wrote this post about a year ago, but it’s always a great reminder:

I read in a book recently that, “Often in the real world its not the smart that get ahead, it’s the bold.” Which I’ve seen to be so true as I continue to get older.

“We all have tremendous potential, and we all are blessed with gifts. Yet, the one thing that holds all of us back is some degree of self-doubt.”

“…excessive fear and self-doubt {are} the greatest detractors of personal genius.”

Most people “know the answers, yet lack the courage to act on the answer.”

That’s why… “Often in the real world its not the smart that get ahead, it’s the bold.”

What about you? Could you use a little more boldness? Is God calling you to do something and you’re held back by fear?Would you rather be smart or bold? 

–Quotes taken from “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”—Robert T. Kiyosaki

Late last night marked the arrival of my newest nephew, Beau Wrightson Meadows. Why is this particular arrival so surprising? None of us knew if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl! We waited, gathered in the hospital waiting room until 11:15pm when he graced us with his presence. This is the very first male Meadows grandchild. Finally, the Meadows name will be carried on!

Right after he was born!

The happy family!

If you’re anything like me, giving up control can be a difficult thing. When we got married, Cody took over our finances. I was always better with money, in my opinion, but I realized this was an area I should let my husband oversee. As frightening as it was at first, since my husband thinks the Apple store is more like a candy store, I let go. My confidence in his ability to oversee our resources brought more respect to him than anything I could say in words.

But it was more than confidence that allowed me to take my hands off the steering wheel, and let him drive. It was trust. I trusted my husband to take care of us, to make sure we were tithing, giving, saving, paying off debt, and paying bills on time. This trust didn’t come overnight. It was built overtime. It was built through love.

Trust is the antidote for control. When we learn to trust God with our lives we will realize we need to give up our elusion of control. He’s ultimately in control of our lives anyway, but he’s a gentleman. He will wait, patiently for us to realize his rightful place in our lives.

But how do we get to a place where we trust God? I mean, trust Him completely, with every aspect of our lives. Well, it takes time, but not just time like the span of a couple years, it takes time spent, time spent and invested in Jesus and your relationship with him. Cody and I didn’t just date for a year, we spent time together, everyday of that year, getting to know each other’s hearts, minds, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses.

The more time you spend with Christ, the more you’ll learn to trust Him. You will begin to see that He always has your best interest in mind. You might even see that in his love, he withholds the things we’ve been trying to control until we learn to submit under his leadership.

Trust is the antidote for control. So let me ask you: Do you trust Him? Do you trust that He knows what is best for you? Are you willing to give up the control and allow Him to do miraculous things in your life? When you are, you will walk into a life free from the worry of control, a life full of trust.

Share your thoughts on trust, in the comments below.

It all started back when wearing fig leaves was cool, back when Adam and Eve and their choice to eat the infamous forbidden fruit caused our demise. We’ve all heard the story before: the rebellious woman ate the fruit and gave some to her passive husband. If you’ve read any John Eldridge books you’re familiar with the fall of man and what it has done to the hearts and minds of men and women since that moment. What’s interesting to me, if you continue to look at women throughout the Bible, you’ll often find a controlling tendency under the innocence.

Take a look at Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Since she thought she was barren, she took it into her own hands to make sure her husband had a child. She gave her maidservant to her husband and they had a child. But was that God’s original plan?

What about Rebekah, Isaac’s wive? Wanting her favorite son to have the father’s blessing, she disguised Jacob and sent him to his father once Esua was out hunting.

Rachel, Jacob’s wife was barren. In her fear and worry, she demanded he give her a son. When she still could not conceive she too gave her maidservant to her husband to bare a child.

Where does this need for control come from? I believe that every woman who has a tendency to control fears something. Fear is the fuel behind control. Show me a woman who controls and I will show you a woman who fears something.

The single woman who tends to always control the relationships she’s in fears being alone. The problem is, the more she controls, the more destruction she brings to those relationships.

The wife who controls her husband fears that one day he will leave her. The problem is, the more she controls, the more he may want to leave her!

The woman who controls her children either fears that they won’t turn out right, or that something bad might happen to them. The problem is, the more she controls, the greater the risk of them rebelling, or growing up without a mind of their own.

Fear fuels our need for control. It is the root of control. Insecurity–not being sure, certain or secure, makes us do things that are not healthy for our relationships. Tomorrow, we will look at the antidote for control.

Until then, share your thoughts on fear. What do you fear? Do you find that you try to control things because of your fear? Think back over the last month. Have you tried to control situations, people, outcomes? Why? What is the root of your fear?