Archive for the ‘Insecurity’ Category

Anytime I meet with someone about overcoming insecurity my number one goal is to get to know them.

I’ll ask tons of questions about where they grew up, what was life like, how they are different now that their older… When I get to know a little bit of  who they are I’m better able to encourage, lift up and speak truth into their lives.

But this principal also plays into the journey of overcoming our insecurities.

It is vital that we also know who we are.

To know thyself is to be self-aware. Self-awareness plays a huge part in helping us gain freedom from the insecurities that hold us back.

When you are self-aware, you are aware of:

• Your Strengths
• Your Weaknesses
• Where You Fit and
• How to Improve Yourself

Self-awareness can only be accomplished through knowing yourself. Here are a few suggestions on how to become more self-aware.

• Listen more than you talk
• Ask a trusted friend for insight into how you are perceived or taken (More on this later.)
• Ask God to reveal more of who you are to yourself

I could go on and on about all the ways to become more self-aware, but three things is fine for now. Knowing thyself is the first step in overcoming our insecurities.

Do you know thyself?

Food addiction can be a hard thing to overcome.

For many of us it is our numbing agent, that thing we go to when life has us down and we just want to escape. For others of us, it’s a reward system, bringing joy for a moment until we realize we’ve overdone it. Inevitably, we beat ourselves up and end up feeling worse, which takes us back to needing a numbing agent: food. It’s cyclical nature is hard to break for anyone struggling with this sin. But asking the question of why we overeat (In Monday’s post) can bring much light to this otherwise shameful addiction.

After I realized I had a food addiction I started to do some research. Always loving words, I decided to look up the little word: EAT. Here’s what I found out.

Eating simply means: to consume completely.  It is the assimilation of energy.  When you eat something it becomes a part of you.  It is fuel for your body. Simply and only.

After realizing I had put food above God He taught me the same definition for food should be applied to Him.  He should be the one who numbs my pain.  He should be my escape.  He is my reward.

I can “eat” of God by spending time with Him, reading His word, and allowing Him to renew my mind. It is the assimilation of His energy, making Him a part of me that fuels my body, mind and soul.

Here are some other practical tips when breaking the addiction to food:

• Try a one, or three day water only fast. (When you fast, pray that God will break the stronghold that food has on your life.)
• Listen to your body. Instead of eating everything on your plate, eat slowly and listen to your body. When it tells you you’re full, you’re full! Put down the fork, sista and push it away.
• Ask a friend to keep you accountable to only eat foods that God made for an entire week. You’re eyes will be opened to just how much junk we consume without even thinking.
• Ask yourself what needs aren’t being met in your life, or what thing are you running from that you are using the addiction to food to cover up.
• Remember, that even though food tastes good, it’s purpose is to bring fuel and nutrition to your body. That’s it’s only purpose.

Most people will tell you it’s hard to just quit an addiction. Instead they say to find something positive to replace the negative, destructive behavior. Our replacement for overeating, has to be God. There is no rule that says becoming addicted to Him is wrong. It is in Him and Him alone that true freedom is found.

Before we get to the post, check this out: Top 55 Pastor Bloggers I’m #48 under Women Pastors. Pretty cool!  There are also lots of other awesome pastors who have great blogs. Check them out!

When overcoming any addiction the first step is always the same:

• Admit you have a problem

Simply admitting that food addiction is a stronghold in your life is one important step in overcoming it. Feel a little reluctant to admit? Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

I received so much feedback on yesterday’s post, that I wanted to share a few stories of women just like you and just like me, who are also struggling with this addiction, and share with you some of the hope they have experienced.

I’ve spent my whole life battling food addiction. I was determined 2010 would be the year I break free from the bondage of food. I started Jan. 1 doing a Daniel fast and along with it, reading Fasting by Jentezen Franklin. Through reading his book I realized how serious my addiction for food really was. I let food consume my life and it affects every aspect of my life. My spritual life, my relationship with my husband, kids, family, and friends. He refers to it as “King Stomach”. Here is what he said that really spoke to me.

“We have an entire book of promises but some of them will never be realized as long as King Stomach rules your appetite and controls your life.”

One goal I had was to complete a one day no food fast, which I completed yesterday. It really showed me that food’s not that important because we have Jesus to sustain us. I’ve learned so much through this experience and I plan to make fasting something I practice throughout the whole year.

Another woman shares this story:

I have lost 10 lbs!  You were right.  The day finally came, and I decided that I am DONE with living in bondage.  I haven’t had any sweets and nothing with flour in almost 3 weeks.  Without even working out I lost the weight.  I am growing closer to God because I can’t do this without Him even one day!  This is my one thing…to be God addicted instead of food addicted!

These are just a couple of the stories I heard yesterday, which encourages me to know I’m not alone in this battle for freedom. Continue to share your stories and together we will discover how to break the addiction of food in our lives.

(Tomorrow’s post will include practical tips and guidelines on how to break the cycle of food addiction. Stay tuned, we’re not done yet!)

Knowing I probably didn’t have the answers to quitting self-sabotage, I ask a very good friend and mentor who is not a self-sabotager, what his thoughts were on the subject. From our conversation, I gained two truths that are already helping me fight this battle.

More Irons in the Fire

You would think this is the exact opposite of what you’d want to do when you’re trying to accomplish something, or stay on task, but having more irons in the fire gives you more avenues to gain confidence. What does “Irons in the Fire” mean? It means having some other things to focus on in addition to just the ONE thing you’re trying to accomplish. Think of them as stepping stones toward your desired goal. Small wins that can give you the confidence and motivation to keep going and not give in to the battle of self-sabotage.

He gave me a football analogy saying that after a quarter back throws an interception (that’s when he throws the ball and the other team catches it. A big mistake!) when a quarterback throws an interception the coach will call for the next few plays to be easy, short passes, ones he knows he can make. This is done to build back the quarterbacks confidence after a failure.

What short, easy passes do you need to make in order for you to gain confidence in yourself and stop self-sabotaging?

Stay Ahead of Momentum

This is a great thought, because usually it’s momentum that carries us. But what happens when we reach a peak in our lives and we’ve done nothing to keep the momentum going? We fall into a pit, we quit trying, self-sabotaging our progress and then we’re back to where we started, but even more frustrated. We’ve got to find a way to stay ahead of momentum.

Here’s how I’m choosing to do this. When I’m in the middle of momentum (when things are going great, when I’m writing a lot, or we feel excited to go to the gym, or when eating healthy is easy for us, or when we’re at peace and content with our lives) that’s when it’s time to sit down and strategize on how to stay ahead of momentum.

Some questions to ask yourself as you strategize:

• How can I stay ahead of momentum?
• What things have happened to get me to where I’m at?
• What things do I need to have ready now, when I feel like momentum is slowing down?
• What things do I need to gain or acquire to help push me past the point of self-sabotage that I’m inevitably going to experience?

It’s time to wage war against our temptation to self-sabotage. Why continue to stay in the same place when there is a world of things to accomplish?

Confessions of a Self-Sabotager–Continued

I’ve come to realize the number of reasons why people sabotage their progress are as vast as the people this disease inflicts. Everyone is different, therefore, everyone will have a different reason, excuse, or cause for why we struggle with this menace.

I’ve realized a few reasons and I’ll share them below. See which one stands out most.

• We believe the lie we’re not worth it.

This is a common lie the enemy will use especially among women. Beware! Relational sabotage is wrapped up in this lie like a blanket swaddles a baby . This is the lie that tells you, “Go ahead, settle for what is less than best in your relationships. You’re damaged goods anyway.”

• We allow our feelings or emotions to dictate our actions.

How well most of us women know this. Many of our goals, dreams and visions are sabotaged when we allow this one to reign. “I really don’t feel like going to the gym today.” “I’ve had the worst day ever! I deserve a bowl of chocolate ice cream! It will make me feel better!” A little emotional, don’t you think? Don’t get me wrong, feelings and emotions are good things. It is the way God made us, but it will sabotage us if we don’t bring our feelings and emotions under our authority.

• Just plain laziness

Laziness is Sabotage’s middle name. Of course is easier to skip your Bible reading, not practice your sport, or sit down and write. Doing what you know you need to do is the harder thing. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be worth it. Don’t allow laziness to sabotage something God is calling you to do. Beat it with stick.

• Fear of change

Often times it is the fear of change that keeps us taking one step forward and two steps back. We sabotage our progress because we fear what it is going to do to our lives. We fear failure, but also success. We keep ourselves in our comfort zones, even though we’re screaming to get out. We keep ourselves living a good life, when God has an unimaginable life waiting for us on the other side of change.

So, why do you self-sabotage?

Tomorrow I’ll share some insight from some trusted friends and mentors who are NOT self-sabotagers. I hope we can all learn from their wisdom.

Confessions of a Self-Sabotager

First of all I have to say that the word “Sabotager” is not actually a word. I made it up for the purpose of this blog, so go ahead and add it to your vocabulary. I’m about to get pretty honest with all of you. You know, what they call transparent, so I appreciate it if you keep the snickers and gibes to yourself…

I am a self-sabotager. I sabotage myself. I don’t know why I do this, neither, do I like to think I do it intentionally, but nevertheless, I have to come to realize this is what I do.

Is it who I am? I’m still fighting against that lie because I believe the truth that we are not what we do, rather we are who God says we are. But lately the microscope has zeroed in on my thoughts and actions and I’m realizing there some habits I have that I really don’t like.

I’ll give you a couple examples to clarify any confusion. How do I sabotage myself?

• Keeping a healthy weight and eating right. I’ll do well for about a week, feel good in my clothes, work out 4-5 days a week and be happy. The problem is when I’m happy, I like to celebrate… with food… with bad food and I began to eat unhealthy, stop going to the gym and get mad and depressed with myself for doing it. Self-Sabotage.
• This blog. I’ll get on a streak of about a week of good posts, get lots of response through Twitter and FaceBook, and people telling me how much they enjoy reading, and then I’ll quit. Either I feel like I’ve ran out of things to say, or I just don’t want to take the time to write something, even though I know God has called me to write. Self-Sabotage.

What about you? Do you find yourself sabotaging your progress? I meet with many women about various things in their lives, the biggest being the issue of weight-loss, and they confess to me that they sabotage their progress for no apparent reason.

What is this battle we face? This phenomenon that seems to keep some of us from moving forward? I’m committed to get to the bottom of this, for my sake and the sake of others who find themselves in this same predicament. (For the sake of length of this post, I’ll talk more about the solution for self-sabotagers tomorrow.)

In the meantime, please leave your thoughts in the comments below, and Re-Tweet this post so all can join the conversation.

I read this illustration in a book, so the credit cannot go to me. I think this principal is so important when it comes to overcoming lies and walking in truth:

“When young, {elephants} are attached by heavy chains to large stakes driven deep into the ground. They pull and yank and strain and struggle, but the chain is too strong, the stake too rooted. One day they give up, having learned that they cannot pull free, and from that day forward they can be “chained” with a slender rope. When this enormous animal feels any resistance, though it has the strength to pull the whole circus tent over, it stops trying. Because it believes it cannot, it cannot. “

This is the perfect illustration when it comes to believing lies. Though I would never compare anyone to an elephant, fearing they might take it the wrong way, so many of us are just like them! We believe a lie long enough that eventually we stop trying to break free. We give up, thinking “This is just the way my life is going to be.”

But I want us to understand the truth that we have the power to break free from the “chains” and “stakes” that are holding us down. With the Holy Spirit at work in our lives we have every power and authority to break the holds that are keeping us from moving forward.

So, ask yourself: What lies have I given up fighting against? What truths do I need to remind myself of, so that I do not end up like the elephant?

As we continue the talk of overcoming insecurity I have to make a statement.

Some of the women I meet with about the issue of overcoming insecurity think that once they’ve reached freedom, they’ve arrived. Once they’ve tasted what life is like without worrying what others think of them, or without believing the lies of the enemy than, in essence, they’re done. So they stop doing the things they did to get out of the pit of insecurity, thinking that the freedom they have found will carry them the rest of the way. But the sad truth is: we’re leaky. We forget the words that set us free, the truths that made us whole, and we slip, ever so slowly, back into our old habits and our old way of thinking. I want to give us a thought to remember when it comes to the continuity of overcoming insecurity.

Overcoming insecurity is NOT a destination we arrive at… it is an everyday journey, a daily practice of renewing our minds and thoughts.

Like any other sin, addiction, or struggle we want to overcome, we must continually pursue a life-style out of insecurity. This means different things for different people, but here are four things you can do when you feel yourself slipping back into those old self-degrading thoughts.

1. Check your God time–Inevitably, when we start to feel great about ourselves and who we are sometimes God gets the shaft! Make sure time with the Lord is at the highest priority. Otherwise it is a lot easier for those negative thoughts to find their way inside the mind.

2. Make others the focus–Remember, insecurity is a selfish sin. Continue to overcome it by focusing your thoughts and attention on others!

3. Don’t dwell on the negative–Insecurity is fueled by negative thinking. When you catch yourself popping a squat in the murky waters of negativity it’s time to give yourself a mental shake!

4. Truth trumps all–Remember that truth is truth no matter who believes it… might as well believe it!

I had breakfast with a chic last week who has been freed from much insecurity. She has allowed God to reveal to her the lies she believed about herself, and accepted His truth instead. This woman shines with freedom. No longer does she live under the shadow of bondage. She’s captivating, encouraging and full of the love of God.

But there was something troubling her. Ever since she stepped into her new found freedom, the other women in her life have treated her inhumanely. Some of the exchanges my friend has had to put up with, are just plain childish. Cut-downs and negativity. Hurtful words and hateful attitudes. My friend asked me, “What did I do to get this kind of response?”

Nothing. Except get free.

As women, if we’re not careful, we can struggle with petty jealousy. I call it Freedom Envy, caused from not being content with who we are.

We see another woman walking in the freedom we wish we had and something rises up in us. Discontent, depression, obsession, anger, jealousy, hatred… these emotions take control of our attitudes and we lash out causing our insecurity to pull us even tighter into bondage.

I used to struggle with this very thing. There was a girl I grew up with who seemed to have it all: beauty, encouragement, full of life and everyone wanted to be around her. I found myself wishing I had her life, thinking that if I was like her than maybe I wouldn’t hate who I was so much. But then I realized this truth: I wouldn’t make a very good, her. But I would make an excellent me. No one else could be me. Through this, and many other realizations of truth I found my identity and rested in the security it brought. Not too long after I started walking in my freedom I got a call from another girl confessing her jealousy of me. She told me, “I find myself thinking that if I could just be like Anna, then I will like myself. Then, maybe people will want to be around me.” I told her the same thing God had revealed to me: “You wouldn’t make a very good, Anna. But you make an excellent you!”

See, it’s not the person we envy, but the freedom they have found that we want for ourselves. A quote I heard yesterday brings a lot to light:

“It is the things no one sees that results in what everyone wants.”–Craig Groeschel

No one knows what someone might go through to overcome their insecurities. No one can appreciate the pain, tears, doubts and questions that go into finding your identity in Christ. No one, but you.

So ladies, I beg of us, let’s not allow jealousy to steal another sister’s joy and freedom. Instead, let’s start our own journey to discovering it for ourselves. After all, you’ll never make a very good “someone else.” But you’ll make an excellent YOU!

For the next few posts we’ll need a working definition of insecurity.

Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt; Not sure or certain; doubtful; Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe

This definition gives us a glimpse of the attitudes and actions of a person controled by insecurity.

What does a person do when they lack confidence? They are untrusting.

What about if they are not sure, uncertain or doubtful? They are cautious, or held back.

What about if they don’t feel protected? They attack.

These three attitudes are indicators of a person struggling with inscurity. Perhaps you know someone who acts this way. Perhaps you, yourself struggle with one or more of these attitudes. When a sickness is diagnosed it is much easier to know what medications to apply to fight it off. The same is true in this case, knowing the enemy we fight gives us a much better advantage in defeating it.