Archive for the ‘Insecurity’ Category
Confession: Growing up I never knew what those silly signs were in the football crowds on TV. They held up a D and then a picket fence… I thought “How strange. It must mean something.” Not knowing anything about football I had to ask my dad. He went on to explain all aspects of the game and I can honestly say I enjoy watching football today because of his explanation.
But I’m not going to be talking about football defense. Today, I want to talk about another kind of defense. I want to talk about the attitude of being defensive as it relates to insecurity.
Show me a defensive person, and I’ll show you a person with lots of insecurities.
Let’s get a working definition of the word defense: Defense: noun serving to defend; protective: resistance against attack; protection:
Someone who is always on the defense doesn’t feel safe in who they are. Being defensive means you will protect yourself against anything and everything, even if it means missing out on something great.
Here are a few examples of a defensive person:
- No one can joke with you because you take everything literally.
- No one can (or even wants to) give you suggestions on how to do something better because they know it will end up in disaster.
- You hold almost everyone at arms length, afraid of any real, caring relationships.
- You are always more talk than action–you believe if you paint a good picture, no one will really know what’s going on underneath.
Ask yourself: Do you know a defensive person? It is almost impossible to have a real relationship with them because they always seem to hold you at arms length.
Are you a defensive person? Does almost everything other people do look like an attack to you? What are you really protecting yourself against?
Defense is a vital part of a good football game, but it will ruin the relationships in your life if you allow it to control you.
Don’t allow defensiveness to control your behavior. In the end living free from defensive behavior is a much better way to win the game.
I had breakfast with a chic last week who has been freed from much insecurity. She has allowed God to reveal to her the lies she believed about herself, and accepted His truth instead. This woman shines with freedom. No longer does she live under the shadow of bondage. She’s captivating, encouraging and full of the love of God.
But there was something troubling her. Ever since she stepped into her new found freedom, the other women in her life have treated her inhumanely. Some of the exchanges my friend has had to put up with, are just plain childish. Cut-downs and negativity. Hurtful words and hateful attitudes. My friend asked me, “What did I do to get this kind of response?”
Nothing. Except get free.
As women, if we’re not careful, we can struggle with petty jealousy. I call it Freedom Envy, caused from not being content with who we are.
We see another woman walking in the freedom we wish we had and something rises up in us. Discontent, depression, obsession, anger, jealousy, hatred… these emotions take control of our attitudes and we lash out causing our insecurity to pull us even tighter into bondage.
I used to struggle with this very thing. There was a girl I grew up with who seemed to have it all: beauty, encouragement, full of life and everyone wanted to be around her. I found myself wishing I had her life, thinking that if I was like her than maybe I wouldn’t hate who I was so much.
Then I realized this truth: I wouldn’t make a very good, her. But I would make an excellent me. No one else could be me. Through this, and many other realizations of truth I found my identity and rested in the security it brought. Not too long after I started walking in my freedom I got a call from another girl confessing her jealousy of me. She told me, “I find myself thinking that if I could just be like Anna, then I will like myself. Then, maybe people will want to be around me.” I told her the same thing God had revealed to me: “You wouldn’t make a very good, Anna. But you make an excellent you!”
See, it’s not the person we envy, but the freedom they have found that we want for ourselves. A quote I heard yesterday brings a lot to light:
“It is the things no one sees that results in what everyone wants.”–Craig Groeschel
No one knows what someone might go through to overcome their insecurities. No one can appreciate the pain, tears, doubts and questions that go into finding your identity in Christ. No one, but you.
So ladies, I beg of us, let’s not allow jealousy to steal another sister’s joy and freedom. Instead, let’s start our own journey to discovering it for ourselves. After all, you’ll never make a very good “someone else.” But you’ll make an excellent YOU!
Sometimes we all need a quickie.
I’m talking about a quick reminder of who we are and what we’ve been called to do. Come on, really??
- You are NOT who other people say you are.
- You are NOT what the enemy’s lies tell you.
- You are NOT defeated.
- You are NOT worthless.
- You are NOT ugly.
- You are NOT overcome.
- You are NOT alone.
What are you?
- You ARE who God says that you are (Forgiven, Set Free, Changed, Chosen, Blessed, Accepted.)
- You ARE strong against the enemies lies.
- You ARE a Conqueror. (Ro.8)
- You ARE worth more than gold.
- You ARE beautiful in God’s eyes (Ps. 45:11)
- You ARE full of power to stand against anything, (Eph.1)
- You ARE called to focus on others, building them up with words of encouragement. (Col. 3:16)
Now, believe it. Walk in it. Be changed by it.
None of us, not a single person, is exempt from the enemy’s tricks. If he can’t get you down one way, odds are he’ll try a different approach–probably one you weren’t thinking.
I am not unaccustomed to falling for the enemy’s tricks. I’d like to think I get better and better at dodging them, or having the wisdom to see them coming, but there are times when I look up from a self-degrading thought, or a feeling of depression, and I realize I fell for one again.
How can we become knowledgeable about the enemy’s schemes to try and take us out? How can we fight offensively to protect ourselves before an attack ever comes?
We have to know our trix button. Think of it as a weakness, a little crack in the windshield of your life that if satan could make bigger would cause more and more problems for you.
Mine? Food of course. If you know my journey you’re familiar with my struggle to stay fit and healthy. It is an everyday choice to honor God with the things I put in my mouth. The enemy knows this, so if he can wiggle his way in there just a bit he can wreak havoc in my thoughts and actions often before I even know what happened.
What about you? What’s your Trix button? Maybe yours is pride, or lust, or discontentment with your life. Maybe you compare yourself to others, or have a problem with negative words and thoughts. It’s important to know where you’re weak so you can put some extra armor around your vulnerable spots.
Silly rabbit, trix aren’t for me. Don’t fall for the enemy’s trix. Know your weaknesses. You can bet he does.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.–Paul
A couple weeks ago, my friend, Vince Parker posted a blog about a run called the Jail Break. After little thought he, my husband, a friend of ours and yes, I joined the team as well, signed up for it.
It’s September 18th and 19th in Fort Worth Texas. Basically, the Jail Break is a 3.8 mile run over cars, through mud, and all the different obstacles around the maze. The idea behind the Jail Break is “to break free from the daily grind, from old habits, from your typical (boring) races.”
I like to think of it in a different sort of way. I am running the JailBreak for every woman, man, girl, boy, child, and person who battles with insecurity. I will run for freedom in a different sense. I will run like I’m breaking free from a different kind of jail.
Keep posted for my own pictures and stories of this amazing experience.
A couple days ago I was reading in Psalms and came across an amazing scripture from the New Living Translation. It says:
“Your favor, O Lord, made me as secure as a mountain.”-Psalms 30:7
Mountains are unmoving.
People know where they stand, and nothing can topple a mountain completely.
That’s the way I want to live my life. Secure in Christ, unmoving in my devotion to Him and my knowledge of who I am. Strong and confident in who He has made me to be. I want to be known for standing for something, fighting for freedom in people’s lives. I want to be so secure that nothing can topple me. No amount of negativity, lies from the enemy or naysayers talk will keep me from what God has called me to be.
How Secure Are You? I want to be As Secure As a Mountain.
We’ve talked a lot about how our insecurity holds us back from being the person God created us to be, but have you ever considered that our insecurity might also hold back those closest to us? Consider for a moment that your insecurity might be holding back your husband (married or not, stay with me.)
If you’re married think about this: The old ball and chain might not be marriage itself, but marriage to a woman who is insecure.
Let’s say your husband works in a place where there are a lot of pretty women. If you are constantly insecure about your husband being around those pretty girls, soon you’re going to say something. At first it might be a passing comment to see if he’s noticed, but if you’re nagging insecurities aren’t satisfied, your comments, or demands might get much worse.
“I don’t want you having lunch with those women, or be alone with them… You need to be careful around them because you’re married. What if you started spending more time with one of them and then you cheated on me!”
First of all, I realize this may be a little extreme, but if you’re not saying it out loud, you’re probably thinking it in your head. And we all know that the battle for overcoming insecurity is often won and lost in our minds. Secondly, I need to remind us all that even suggesting to our husbands that they might be less than faithful is like a punch in the gut. Has he noticed the pretty ladies in his office? Probably. He’s a guy. Has he thought about having an affair with one of them? NO! Well, at least not until you mentioned something about it.
What has your insecurity done? Nothing positive.
A. You’ve: insulted your husband’s faithfulness by giving into the enemy’s fear that your husband is going to abandon you,
B. You’ve put yourself down by comparing your beauty to another women–a woman your husband is not married to, but works with everyday.
C. You’ve injected doubt and worry into your mind like a syringe and now every time your husband leaves for work, you wonder… but above all, you’ve
D. Put thoughts into you husbands mind that might not have been there before. How is he going to act around the office now? Cautious? Unsure? Distracted? Held back?
That is just one of many examples I will write about for space and time sake. But let me talk briefly to my single ladies.
Single ladies: you’re insecurity is holding back your husband. Now, I understand about God’s perfect timing and brining Mr. Right along should be out of your hands and firmly placed in God’s, but ask yourself this question: Might God be waiting on you to learn a few things before He brings along Mr. Right? Are there some insecurities that are holding back that moment when you and your husband-to-be will meet for the first time? This was true in my own life as I look back on almost a year of marriage. I can honestly say, my insecurities were definitely holding back that beautiful moment when I first met my husband. So what should you do? Get to work!
A. Find out what those things are that are holding you back from being you.
B. Ask a trusted friend to be honest with you about what they see in your life that could be a stumbling block to the next chapter unfolding.
C. Don’t let yourself or the next stage of your life be held back by your insecurities.
Your Insecurity is Holding Back Your Husband–it’s time to let them both go.
This is your heart. I have a few words I’d like to share with you. I’ve been thinking about this long and hard and finally decided it was time things changed. First of all, you should know, I’m not mad, I just feel like you need to know some things, because maybe if you know them you can do something to stop them.
The first thing I’d like to bring to your attention is the way you constantly compare us to every other woman we come across. Do you know what this does to me? It kills me! We are unique and beautiful in our own way. We have our own set of strengths and weaknesses, struggles and victories. No one else is like us. When you compare you are diminishing any sense of individualism we have. We were made incomparable to anyone or anything. Please, if it’s possible, when you feel the urge to compare, remember me. I love the way we are. I love how we were made. Do you not?
Another thing I’d like to bring to your attention is the way you often put us down with our words. Not only with our words, but also our thoughts. Yes, I hear those too. They wound me deeper and deeper every time we think them. Those words are like a dagger, slicing through my flesh with the intent to kill. Why do you want to put us down? What value does it bring?
Also, there’s another thing that drives me crazy. When we hold ourselves back from things it’s all I can do not to shout and scream to get your attention. I want to play the games, I want to be a part of the conversations, I want to make our voice known, but every time we shrink back into the dark, a little bit of us dies. What is keeping us from being bold? Know one cares! I need some light. I need some air. Won’t you let me come out and show the real us?
I am your heart. I am what makes us woman. If you take care of me, I will take care of you. If you give me a chance I will swell inside you and become stronger, fiercer, more powerful, than you can imagine. Dear woman, I am your heart. It’s time to let me lead.
If you’re anything like me, giving up control can be a difficult thing. When we got married, Cody took over our finances. I was always better with money, in my opinion, but I realized this was an area I should let my husband oversee. As frightening as it was at first, since my husband thinks the Apple store is more like a candy store, I let go. My confidence in his ability to oversee our resources brought more respect to him than anything I could say in words.
But it was more than confidence that allowed me to take my hands off the steering wheel, and let him drive. It was trust. I trusted my husband to take care of us, to make sure we were tithing, giving, saving, paying off debt, and paying bills on time. This trust didn’t come overnight. It was built overtime. It was built through love.
Trust is the antidote for control. When we learn to trust God with our lives we will realize we need to give up our elusion of control. He’s ultimately in control of our lives anyway, but he’s a gentleman. He will wait, patiently for us to realize his rightful place in our lives.
But how do we get to a place where we trust God? I mean, trust Him completely, with every aspect of our lives. Well, it takes time, but not just time like the span of a couple years, it takes time spent, time spent and invested in Jesus and your relationship with him. Cody and I didn’t just date for a year, we spent time together, everyday of that year, getting to know each other’s hearts, minds, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses.
The more time you spend with Christ, the more you’ll learn to trust Him. You will begin to see that He always has your best interest in mind. You might even see that in his love, he withholds the things we’ve been trying to control until we learn to submit under his leadership.
Trust is the antidote for control. So let me ask you: Do you trust Him? Do you trust that He knows what is best for you? Are you willing to give up the control and allow Him to do miraculous things in your life? When you are, you will walk into a life free from the worry of control, a life full of trust.
Share your thoughts on trust, in the comments below.
It all started back when wearing fig leaves was cool, back when Adam and Eve and their choice to eat the infamous forbidden fruit caused our demise. We’ve all heard the story before: the rebellious woman ate the fruit and gave some to her passive husband. If you’ve read any John Eldridge books you’re familiar with the fall of man and what it has done to the hearts and minds of men and women since that moment. What’s interesting to me, if you continue to look at women throughout the Bible, you’ll often find a controlling tendency under the innocence.
Take a look at Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Since she thought she was barren, she took it into her own hands to make sure her husband had a child. She gave her maidservant to her husband and they had a child. But was that God’s original plan?
What about Rebekah, Isaac’s wive? Wanting her favorite son to have the father’s blessing, she disguised Jacob and sent him to his father once Esua was out hunting.
Rachel, Jacob’s wife was barren. In her fear and worry, she demanded he give her a son. When she still could not conceive she too gave her maidservant to her husband to bare a child.
Where does this need for control come from? I believe that every woman who has a tendency to control fears something. Fear is the fuel behind control. Show me a woman who controls and I will show you a woman who fears something.
The single woman who tends to always control the relationships she’s in fears being alone. The problem is, the more she controls, the more destruction she brings to those relationships.
The wife who controls her husband fears that one day he will leave her. The problem is, the more she controls, the more he may want to leave her!
The woman who controls her children either fears that they won’t turn out right, or that something bad might happen to them. The problem is, the more she controls, the greater the risk of them rebelling, or growing up without a mind of their own.
Fear fuels our need for control. It is the root of control. Insecurity–not being sure, certain or secure, makes us do things that are not healthy for our relationships. Tomorrow, we will look at the antidote for control.
Until then, share your thoughts on fear. What do you fear? Do you find that you try to control things because of your fear? Think back over the last month. Have you tried to control situations, people, outcomes? Why? What is the root of your fear?