Do you want to be remarkable? What about indispensible? Do you want to be the person everyone says they would hate to lose or love to gain?

I’m reading Seth Godin’s newest book called “Linchpin.” The book is all about helping you realize your own unique potential and encouraging you to be remarkable, to be indespensible, to be a Linchpin.

I’d love to share a line from the book and talk a little bit about why so many of us settle for being mediocre instead of remarkable.

If you’re insecure, the obvious response to my call to become a Linchpin is, “I’m not good enough at anything to be indispensable.” The typical indoctrinated response is that great work and great art and remarkable output are the domain of someone else.

This line really spoke to me since it’s something I’ve been saying for years now. What is keeping you from being remarkable? Most likely it is your own insecurity holding you back. It is your own self-doubt, those lies we hear telling us we’re not good, or we have nothing to offer that really keep us from our greatest potential.

Godin goes on to say that,

I’ve been lucky enough to meet or work with thousands of remarkable linchpins. It appears to me that the only way they differ from a mediocre rule-follower is that they never bought into this self-limiting line of thought.

Is that what separates you from being remarkable? Your own self-limiting line of thought? You are a gifted individual who has a divine purpose. The only thing keeping you from fulfilling that purpose is you. Believe in who you are and who God has called you to be and watch as you become remarkable.

Saturday was our one year anniversary. Cody treated me to a day at the spa, some shopping and my favorite: Sushi.

We were seated at a popular Sushi place in downtown Oklahoma City, next to a table with another couple. As we put in our drink order, and waited, and then finally put in our appetizer order, and waited, we noticed our waiter was a little distracted. Amidst our conversation we observed him as he waited on both our table and the one next to us. It was clear the man seated at the table next to us was not a happy customer. More than once he sent something back to the kitchen and even the manager came out and talked to him and his lady mid way through the meal.

First of all, he ordered steak. I mean, you don’t go to a sushi bar and order steak. Who does that? But that’s not what I’m getting at. As we watched this little episode unfold it was apparent that we had been forgotten.

Complainers get more attention.

Now, I’m all for good service, and good food, and I understand if you’re not satisfied with your experience you want someone to know. But from where we were sitting it didn’t seem like this guy was complaining because of the service. That waiter seemed to be at his beck and call. It didn’t look like his food was wrong–unless the steak tasted fishy (it’s a sushi restaurant!) what it looked like to me, was this guy and his lady were complaining just to complain. Every time the waiter would leave their table they would laugh quietly like the waiter was the dumbest guy in the world. This man even went so far to send back a knife that wasn’t to his liking.

Meanwhile, we’re trying to pay the check without a pen, feeling sorry for our poor waiter the whole time.

Complainers get more attention. Why is that? Why do we allow the naysayers to dictate where we spend our time and energy?

As I thought about this on the way home that night I realize the same is also true in our lives. When we find out someone doesn’t like us, what do we have the tendency to do? Spend the time and energy figuring out why they don’t like us.

I run into this problem a lot working in ministry. If I’m not careful I could spend most of my time with the people who are unhappy about something in the ministry and leave those who would bend over backwards for it in the dark. I learned a leadership principal early on that says to spend 80% of your time with your best players, customers, or volunteers and just 20% of your time with the complainers.

This might be a good concept for people waiting tables. After all, those complainers aren’t going to leave a good tip anyway. And if you leave your other customers to fend for themselves, they won’t either.

In the end, no matter how hard you spin your wheels to try to win over the complainers, while leaving your fans in the dust, you may never get there, and then you’ve lost both.

I wrote a post a couple weeks ago called “Development–The Fine Art of Telling People They Suck.” Then a friend of mine, @jeremydbaldwin, asked if I would write a follow up post about what to do if you are on the receiving end of that development. I thought it was a great idea so I bring you this:

What to do when You’re Told “You Suck”

Now, that’s putting it pretty harsh. I hope the people around you who are developing you are a little more tactful than that, but even if they’re not, having constructive criticism is an important part of our development.

I read somewhere that feedback is the number one motivator of people. Without feedback how do we expect to get better at anything? I’m pretty passionate about development, not only helping others develop but making sure I’m getting developed as well, so since Jeremy has been on the receiving end of some of my development, and because I’m always looking to be on the receiving end of development, I’d like to bring you 3 things to always do when you’re told “You Suck.”

1. Put Your Pride to Bed. Let’s be honest, we all need improvement. None of us are perfect at what we do, and if you think you are, you need more development than you think. Lay down the pride and ask a few trusted people to speak honestly into your life. Make sure you have people around you who will develop you. If you want to develop in a certain area, ask them to observe you in this specific area and then give you feedback.

2. Listen. Now, it’s also important that you listen to the feedback they give you. The quickest way to go no where is to do nothing with the constructive criticism that is given to you.

3. Don’t Take it Personal. Actually, take it as a compliment. If someone is giving you feedback it means they believe in you. They know you can be better and they are willing to spend time and energy investing in you to pull out your full potential. When someone wants to give you feedback, don’t get defensive. It is for your good.

What do you do when you’re told “You Suck”?

When I was younger I told a lie. Ok, so I told lots of lies and most of those lies were told so I wouldn’t get into trouble. The problem was, every lie I told got me into deeper trouble when the lie was found out. Because the lie is always found out. The truth always has a way of surfacing given enough time.

You know that feeling you have when you tell a lie? It’s almost as if you float out of your body and watch yourself. You get this quick sweaty feeling all over your body and your heart rate picks up a few notches. You wait, holding your breath to see if the lie was a success and when you realize it was, you want to let out that breath, but can’t. You end up holding that breath for weeks, maybe years, you hold it for as long as the lie lasts because you know at any moment it could be found out and then it would all be over.

I remember the way it feels when you finally decided to tell the truth. You let that breath go and this enormous weight lifts off your shoulders. You realize life on the right side of truth isn’t so bad and you ask yourself, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

The truth is always the best rout to take. Even if you think a lie will save you from trouble or embarrassment, imagine the trouble or embarrassment you’ll have to face when that lie is found out. Because the lie is always found out. The truth always has a way of surfacing given enough time.

Please, tell the truth. It’s the right thing to do.

Last night I was sitting on the couch, not wanting to do anything. I could have been reading, but didn’t feel like I had the energy to pay attention. I could have been writing, but new I couldn’t focus long enough to get out a sentence. I was always taught to do something “constructive” you know, something that used the mind, but all I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV and veg.

As I was sitting there I remembered something I learned as a student. Someone once showed me something amazing–something I had forgotten until that moment.

This influential person told me that the world had tricked us. He said the things the world sells us, and the things we think are fun are acutally only robbing us of our potential, robbing us of using our minds for greatness. I asked him what he meant and he showed me.

“Take the word amuse, for example. Off the top of your head, what do you think that word means? What comes to mind when you hear it?

“Amuse means something is funny. I think of amusement parks and fun things to do…”

“You’re right. The word amuse brings about positive feelings of fun, laughter and being carefree. But don’t let it fool you. Take the letter ‘A’ away from the word and you get: Muse–which means to think or meditate quietly. Putting that A in front of the word defines the word to mean the exact oposite–Amuse–to divert the mind to something entertaining. In effect, to allow the mind a break from thinking.

“Now, don’t get me wrong,” he continued.  ”A little amusement is good for everyone, so long as you continue to use your mind, grow it, challenge it and expand it more than you let it go.”

Often times I fight against the urge to let my mind go instead of using it to bring about positive outcomes. I don’t want to be unaware of the worlds tricks. That’s why I’m adopting the phrase: Muse before you Amuse. Before you sit down in front of the TV, do something that uses your mind: Read a few chapters in a book, make something creative, organize something in your house, write a blog. Use your mind more than you let it go. It’s time to do something constructive.

Muse before you Amuse.