Posts Tagged ‘Insecurity’

Anytime I meet with someone about overcoming insecurity my number one goal is to get to know them.

I’ll ask tons of questions about where they grew up, what was life like, how they are different now that their older… When I get to know a little bit of  who they are I’m better able to encourage, lift up and speak truth into their lives.

But this principal also plays into the journey of overcoming our insecurities.

It is vital that we also know who we are.

To know thyself is to be self-aware. Self-awareness plays a huge part in helping us gain freedom from the insecurities that hold us back.

When you are self-aware, you are aware of:

• Your Strengths
• Your Weaknesses
• Where You Fit and
• How to Improve Yourself

Self-awareness can only be accomplished through knowing yourself. Here are a few suggestions on how to become more self-aware.

• Listen more than you talk
• Ask a trusted friend for insight into how you are perceived or taken (More on this later.)
• Ask God to reveal more of who you are to yourself

I could go on and on about all the ways to become more self-aware, but three things is fine for now. Knowing thyself is the first step in overcoming our insecurities.

Do you know thyself?

I read this illustration in a book, so the credit cannot go to me. I think this principal is so important when it comes to overcoming lies and walking in truth:

“When young, {elephants} are attached by heavy chains to large stakes driven deep into the ground. They pull and yank and strain and struggle, but the chain is too strong, the stake too rooted. One day they give up, having learned that they cannot pull free, and from that day forward they can be “chained” with a slender rope. When this enormous animal feels any resistance, though it has the strength to pull the whole circus tent over, it stops trying. Because it believes it cannot, it cannot. “

This is the perfect illustration when it comes to believing lies. Though I would never compare anyone to an elephant, fearing they might take it the wrong way, so many of us are just like them! We believe a lie long enough that eventually we stop trying to break free. We give up, thinking “This is just the way my life is going to be.”

But I want us to understand the truth that we have the power to break free from the “chains” and “stakes” that are holding us down. With the Holy Spirit at work in our lives we have every power and authority to break the holds that are keeping us from moving forward.

So, ask yourself: What lies have I given up fighting against? What truths do I need to remind myself of, so that I do not end up like the elephant?

As we continue the talk of overcoming insecurity I have to make a statement.

Some of the women I meet with about the issue of overcoming insecurity think that once they’ve reached freedom, they’ve arrived. Once they’ve tasted what life is like without worrying what others think of them, or without believing the lies of the enemy than, in essence, they’re done. So they stop doing the things they did to get out of the pit of insecurity, thinking that the freedom they have found will carry them the rest of the way. But the sad truth is: we’re leaky. We forget the words that set us free, the truths that made us whole, and we slip, ever so slowly, back into our old habits and our old way of thinking. I want to give us a thought to remember when it comes to the continuity of overcoming insecurity.

Overcoming insecurity is NOT a destination we arrive at… it is an everyday journey, a daily practice of renewing our minds and thoughts.

Like any other sin, addiction, or struggle we want to overcome, we must continually pursue a life-style out of insecurity. This means different things for different people, but here are four things you can do when you feel yourself slipping back into those old self-degrading thoughts.

1. Check your God time–Inevitably, when we start to feel great about ourselves and who we are sometimes God gets the shaft! Make sure time with the Lord is at the highest priority. Otherwise it is a lot easier for those negative thoughts to find their way inside the mind.

2. Make others the focus–Remember, insecurity is a selfish sin. Continue to overcome it by focusing your thoughts and attention on others!

3. Don’t dwell on the negative–Insecurity is fueled by negative thinking. When you catch yourself popping a squat in the murky waters of negativity it’s time to give yourself a mental shake!

4. Truth trumps all–Remember that truth is truth no matter who believes it… might as well believe it!

I had breakfast with a chic last week who has been freed from much insecurity. She has allowed God to reveal to her the lies she believed about herself, and accepted His truth instead. This woman shines with freedom. No longer does she live under the shadow of bondage. She’s captivating, encouraging and full of the love of God.

But there was something troubling her. Ever since she stepped into her new found freedom, the other women in her life have treated her inhumanely. Some of the exchanges my friend has had to put up with, are just plain childish. Cut-downs and negativity. Hurtful words and hateful attitudes. My friend asked me, “What did I do to get this kind of response?”

Nothing. Except get free.

As women, if we’re not careful, we can struggle with petty jealousy. I call it Freedom Envy, caused from not being content with who we are.

We see another woman walking in the freedom we wish we had and something rises up in us. Discontent, depression, obsession, anger, jealousy, hatred… these emotions take control of our attitudes and we lash out causing our insecurity to pull us even tighter into bondage.

I used to struggle with this very thing. There was a girl I grew up with who seemed to have it all: beauty, encouragement, full of life and everyone wanted to be around her. I found myself wishing I had her life, thinking that if I was like her than maybe I wouldn’t hate who I was so much. But then I realized this truth: I wouldn’t make a very good, her. But I would make an excellent me. No one else could be me. Through this, and many other realizations of truth I found my identity and rested in the security it brought. Not too long after I started walking in my freedom I got a call from another girl confessing her jealousy of me. She told me, “I find myself thinking that if I could just be like Anna, then I will like myself. Then, maybe people will want to be around me.” I told her the same thing God had revealed to me: “You wouldn’t make a very good, Anna. But you make an excellent you!”

See, it’s not the person we envy, but the freedom they have found that we want for ourselves. A quote I heard yesterday brings a lot to light:

“It is the things no one sees that results in what everyone wants.”–Craig Groeschel

No one knows what someone might go through to overcome their insecurities. No one can appreciate the pain, tears, doubts and questions that go into finding your identity in Christ. No one, but you.

So ladies, I beg of us, let’s not allow jealousy to steal another sister’s joy and freedom. Instead, let’s start our own journey to discovering it for ourselves. After all, you’ll never make a very good “someone else.” But you’ll make an excellent YOU!

For the next few posts we’ll need a working definition of insecurity.

Insecurity: lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt; Not sure or certain; doubtful; Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe

This definition gives us a glimpse of the attitudes and actions of a person controled by insecurity.

What does a person do when they lack confidence? They are untrusting.

What about if they are not sure, uncertain or doubtful? They are cautious, or held back.

What about if they don’t feel protected? They attack.

These three attitudes are indicators of a person struggling with inscurity. Perhaps you know someone who acts this way. Perhaps you, yourself struggle with one or more of these attitudes. When a sickness is diagnosed it is much easier to know what medications to apply to fight it off. The same is true in this case, knowing the enemy we fight gives us a much better advantage in defeating it.

Here’s an equation: Lie + Lie = >truth Translation: Lie plus lie equals less than truth.

If you believe a lie long enough, hard enough eventually people will begin to believe it as truth, even though it may not be true. I can’t get out of my head how vital this equation is when it comes to insecurity.

Let me give you an example: Whatever you believe about yourself, be it low thoughts of yourself, high thoughts, no thoughts, eventually that’s what people will believe about you too. Understanding this concept is so vitally important.

• If you don’t believe that what you have to say matters… others won’t believe it matters either.
• If you don’t think you can do something… others won’t think you can do it either.
• If you think you’re insecure, you will act insecure… causing others to believe you’re insecure. (A lie)
• Add some of your own…

Whatever you believe about yourself is how your actions and behaviors will follow your line of thinking. What we believe about ourselves determines our behaviors, and in turn effects what others believe about us as well.

We can teach others what to think about us by the way we think of ourselves.

But if this equation about believing lies is real, than the same must be true for believing truth.

Equation: Lie + Lie = {TRUTH} Translation: Lie plus Lie equals TRUTH without limits.

If you believe a truth often enough, hard enough, eventually you and the people around you will believe it as truth as well.

If what we believe really does effect how we act and who we are, shouldn’t we start believing the truth?

• Truth: You are God’s workmanship. Created in Christ Jesus to do good works!
• Truth: You are God’s masterpiece. Perfectly woven together and known from birth!
• Truth: You are God’s chosen one. Set apart as His child before you ever took a breath!

That is truth, no matter how you feel, what you think, or what others say…

Truth is truth no matter who believes it. Might as well believe it.

Do you have a hard time believing the truth about yourself?

How do you think this hinders us in our lives?

What will you do TODAY to start living in God’s TRUTH?

What does a woman look like today?

Maybe a better question is: what should a woman look like today? We all knew what a woman looked like back in the 1950s.

They were the portrait of duty, stepping in to handle things even when the men went off to war.

But only 2 decades later we see women rising up in protest, demanding that we have the same rights as men.

So that just makes me wonder, what does the woman look like today? In our fast-paced, instant-gratifying culture, with no real sense of absolute, truth I realized, we don’t really know what a woman looks like today. I blame most of this on the fact that we’ve been believing lies since the beginning of time. In the garden, Eve was deceived by the serpent, and ever since then we’ve been allowing that same deceiver to whisper lies into our minds.

• You’re nobody unless somebody loves you.
• You’re nobody unless you’re pretty.
• You’re nobody unless you’re as strong, as good and as successful as your male counterparts.
• You’re nobody unless you’re better than somebody else.

The father of lies, uses lies to steal the one thing he knows would give us power, if we just believed it: Our Identity.

He wants to steal our identity. If he can effectively steal our identity he knows he’s pulled the shade over our eyes. He knows we’ll fall for whatever charade he prances before us, whatever insecurity we allow to dominate our thoughts, words, and actions.

But I say, it’s time to declare war on these lies. It’s time to get a little sweaty, get a little bloody, and use the weapons we’ve been given to fight this battle we all face. We don’t have to believe these lies any longer. It’s time to take back our identity and find out what we as women truly look like.

Don’t you wish we could all just live life the way God intended it? Sometimes I wish I had a magical wand and with just the right wave, and just the right words we could all live that perfect life. Away from pain and heartache, away from lies and bondage, and freed from the negative opinions of others and even more deadly the negative opinions we have of ourselves. But unfortunately there is no magic wand. Too many of us live the life we have: Imprisoned to our own self-doubt, in bondage to the lies we believe as true, and held back from the all that God has in store for us.

But here’s my question: When did we allow someone else to dictate how we live? When did we let the lies and excuses take away our opportunity for greatness? So many people forget that they are in control of their lives, they are in control of their thinking and therefore they are responsible for the results or outcomes of the life God has given them. For too long I have lived my life letting something else dictate my actions. For too long I have watched as others succumb to the lies of the enemy never realizing this all important truth, the #1 weapon to use when you face the enemy of insecurity.

You must remember that:  Perception is Reality.  Your perception of yourself, is everyone else’s reality.

• If you don’t believe in yourself, have a poor self-image, and hold yourself back because of insecurity, you will act out of that perception and therefore it becomes reality.

Therefore: People will doubt your ability, feel sorry for you and ultimately may discount your credibility.

but…

• If you believe what GOD says about you, find your image and identity in HIM, and  jump into opportunities that HE leads you to (whether you think you can do it or not) you will act out of that perception, (which is the truth anyway.) and it will become your reality.

Therefore: People will believe in you, follow you as you lead, and be challenged because of the way you live your life.

Perception is Reality.

What perception are you living out?

You are in control.

Live the life God intended.

How we all wish that were true! Then we’d have a legitimate excuse to stay in our little box, never venturing out, never meeting new people, and never exploring new adventures.

I’m a huge advocate for getting out of your comfort zone. I read once that doing something you don’t want to do at least once a day, builds character. Since reading that, I’ve tried to make it a point to regularly push out the boundaries of my comfort zone.

Below are 5 things you may never realize unless Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone is a regular habit:

1. You never know who you are going to meet! (As I was writing this, I just met a woman named Carolyn. She is a SAG member from Idaho.)

2. You never know what new experiences you will acquire. (I once read that it is better to collect experiences, rather than possessions. Experiences can’t break, get old, or get taken away!)

3. You never know how God might want to use you in a particular situation. (He sees the bigger picture, not us… enough said!)

4. You’ll never know what you never knew… (It’s time to learn something new!)

5. You may never know what you are truly capable of!

Add more of your own, and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone!

I’m not talking about social security cards and driver’s licenses, I’m talking about identity: the condition of being oneself; the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality over time.

I work with lots of people in my job, co-workers, volunteers, students, parents, and everyday I observe people who either have a very strong sense of identity, or those who have no idea who they are. Here are 5 signs you may not know who you are.

1. You copy the behavior of whoever seems cool at the time.

2. You dabble in a vast variety of hobbies and activities, never committing to one or the other.

3. You’re opinions are either never shared, or always easily swayed.

4. You crave the praise and admiration of other people–Actually you almost need it to survive.

5. You’re often doubting, dogging, or down on yourself.

Can you think of anymore to share?

I’ve struggled myself in this area of identity, but following these next 5 steps, your identity will slowly be revealed.

1. Ask God to show you who you are. Everyday, until He does.

2. Find a trusted older friend or mentor who has a strong sense of identity. Ask them to help you in your journey to finding yours.

3. Take various personality, spiritual gifts, and strengths finder tests. These are tools to help us discover who we are.

4. Quit prostituting your emotions on other people. Get a grip on yourself and act like an adult!

5. Believe in who God has made you to be. You’ll never be good at being someone else!