Freedom from insecurity is a lot of work. Probably more work than you’re willing to give. The easy thing is to stay insecure and never allow yourself to break out of the chains that bind you.

Here are 5 sure-fire ways to make sure you always stay insecure.

5. Be a self-centered person. Always think everything is about you.

4. Worry constantly about what others are thinking of you. (Afterall, since it’s all about you, they are always thinking about you.)

3. Put others down any chance you get. If you don’t feel secure, no one else should.

2. Never believe or speak positively about yourself–you wouldn’t want people thinking you are prideful.

And the number one way to always make sure you’re insecure:

1. Believe every lie that comes your way. If you’re thinking it, it must be true.

Follow these simple steps to ensure that you will never find freedom from insecurity.

Have you ever felt threatened by someone? I’m not talking about the feeling you might get if someone were to break into your house, or if someone got up in your face and acted like they were going to hit you. I’m talking about threatened in a more subtle sense. I’m talking about the kind of threatening that awakens our insecurities.

I was at a graduation party yesterday for a student leaving for college in August. All her friends were there celebrating around food, cake and punch. I sat on the couch visiting with some friends when a couple of high school girls walked into the room. These girls were gorgeous! Bleach blonde hair, tan, perfect bodies and they were dressed very stylish in the newest summer trends. These girls came to sit on the same couch and immediately I felt threatened. Why? Because my insecurities were awakened when I compared myself. In my eyes I didn’t measure up to these girls. I have 15 pounds on them! I was wearing a Wal-Mart dress! I couldn’t compete with such beauty. I felt threatened.

What about things other than beauty? I knew a man once who seemed to have the Midas Touch. Almost everything he did was successful. This man was a brilliant leader but many of his colleagues felt threatened by him. They didn’t understand the gift this person had been given and hated the fact that he was a better leader than they. Instead of learning from this person, they let the evil sin of comparison control their thinking and the feeling of being threatened overruled them keeping them bound by their own insecurities.

Feeling threatened is a sign of insecurity. But it’s what you do with that feeling that shows your true measure of freedom.

When you’re threatened you have two choices:

1. Dwell on the evil, self-degrading thoughts of comparison and plunge yourself deeper into the pit of insecurity, or

2. Take the focus off yourself and celebrate the differences, beauty, and success of other people, freeing yourself from the heavy chains of insecurity.

God made each one of us special. He gifted each of us according to His perfect will. Until you realize this for yourself, you will always feel threatened by someone. Someone will always be prettier, smarter, and more successful than you, as long as you compare yourself to others. It’s when we put down our measuring stick and realize our own uniqueness that we will truly be able to celebrate the uniqueness of others.

I’m sorry, but there’s a form of insecurity that just gets to me! Actually, I’m not sorry because this form can be so subtle that many people don’t think they are slaves to it.

Apologizing is an important social skill. Knowing how to properly apologize when you have wronged someone is good. But I’m not talking about your normal apologies. I’m talking about the sickening, self-focused, excessive apologizing that latches on to victims of sever insecurity.

Have you ever experienced this with someone? Have you ever been around someone who excessively apologizes for everything?  What about a look in the mirror? Do you often find yourself apologizing for meaningless things?

What is the cause of this?

From my study of insecurity in people I’ve come to the conclusion that individuals who unreasonably apologize are looking for validation. They are looking for those who will reply to their apology with phrases like, “Oh, it’s okay.” “You’re fine.” “Don’t worry about it.”

When they can get this kind of response out of people it makes them feel less insecure about who they are or what they are doing. But this is a horrible and short-lived way to gain validation. In fact, I would go so far to say that overly apologizing to gain validation only causes a person to dive deeper into the deadly cycle of insecurity.

It’s time to Quit Apologizing! Find freedom from this form of insecurity by gaining your validation from what Christ says about you, not how others respond to your apologies.

Naturally, I am a feeler. Meaning, I base most, if not all, my decisions on how I feel about them and how they might effect others. The opposite side of the spectrum would be the thinkers. Those who base their decisions on logical thought, often taking emotions out of the process.

Both are valuable. Both have their faults. So let me tell you about the fault of the feeler. Basing my decisions on how I feel about them has brought some challenges to my world. For example:

• If I don’t feel like working out, chances are I’m not going to work out, because my feelings won out.
• If I don’t feel like writing a blog, I usually don’t do it because my feelings got the better of my decision making.

Most of the time, when I’m not actively doing something, I let my mind wander. But I’m not thinking. I’m feeling. As a feeler most, if not all, of my life sifts through the filter called: feelings. This is not a bad thing, necessarily, unless it keeps you from doing the things you know you need to do.

Recently, I asked a trusted friend, boss and mentor to teach me how to think. Being a natural thinker, he thought the request was interesting. He encouraged me to do a few things which have already helped me take back the control of my feelings instead of my feelings controlling me.

• Start a Thought Journal–I used to journal all the time. But my entries were all about what happened that day and how I felt about them. He encouraged me to start a thought journal instead of a feeling journal. In this journal I write down things I’m thinking, things I need to do, goals I want I’m going to reach.
• Think!–You can’t have a thought journal without actual thoughts coming out of your brain. He encouraged me to start thinking. This takes some intentionality since I am not naturally prone to thinking. So when I’m in my car, or find myself with some free time, I make myself think: What do I want to accomplish? What lessons have I learned today? What ideas do I need to expound upon to make them a reality?
• Plan in Quarters–Businesses plan their budgets in quarters: three month chunks four times a year. Why not take this model and apply it to ourselves? We talked about the goals I wanted to accomplish this quarter (the end of June.) Once I accomplish them I will move on to the next quarter. Picking one or two things to focus on in a shorter amount of time helps me not become overwhelmed with all I want to do.

What about you? Are you a Natural Thinker or Feeler? What are the pros or cons of being one or the other?

Anytime I meet with someone about overcoming insecurity my number one goal is to get to know them.

I’ll ask tons of questions about where they grew up, what was life like, how they are different now that their older… When I get to know a little bit of  who they are I’m better able to encourage, lift up and speak truth into their lives.

But this principal also plays into the journey of overcoming our insecurities.

It is vital that we also know who we are.

To know thyself is to be self-aware. Self-awareness plays a huge part in helping us gain freedom from the insecurities that hold us back.

When you are self-aware, you are aware of:

• Your Strengths
• Your Weaknesses
• Where You Fit and
• How to Improve Yourself

Self-awareness can only be accomplished through knowing yourself. Here are a few suggestions on how to become more self-aware.

• Listen more than you talk
• Ask a trusted friend for insight into how you are perceived or taken (More on this later.)
• Ask God to reveal more of who you are to yourself

I could go on and on about all the ways to become more self-aware, but three things is fine for now. Knowing thyself is the first step in overcoming our insecurities.

Do you know thyself?